Ever read Richard Scarry’s Please and Thank You Book?

I didn’t think so.

You should.  AMAZON.  Look it up.  Order it. 

How about this?  Here’s a summary adapted for our time together on this flight. Don’t ignore it like the safety instructions.  Study it, like you do the Sky Mall Catalogue.  (I’ve seen you study that thing like your life depended on it.)

Here we go.  Prepare to be polite.  Let’s do this.

When boarding the aircraft, it’s important to note that we are all leaving at the same time, and each and every one of us has an assigned seat.  Pushing and shoving to get on first does not mean you will either score a better seat or will arrive at your destination sooner than everyone else.  Not lying.

Thank you for not doing yoga on the plane.  Clearly you are some sort of marathon yogi, and can’t possibly go more than three hours without stretching, but planes are small, and the space in front of the bathroom is not suitable for sun salutations and forward folds.  Nobody wants your butt in their face.  Nobody.

Please don’t leave your belongings in the bathroom.  Especially not your skanky old toothbrush.  Not your socks.  Certainly not your used Kleenexes.  It’s a small room people, it’s not going to take an hour to check to be sure you’ve left nothing behind.  Oh, and that thing with the picture of a garbage can on it?  It’s a garbage can.  You put garbage in it.  Cool – eh?

During the exquisite meal we may be served, please be kind to the folks behind you and put your seat in the upright position.  Does this one really need explaining?

Please be aware of your odour.  Yes.  YOU.  This includes farting, lack of deodorant/bathing, recent kielbasa eating, taking your shoes off (are you certain going to the bathroom barefoot on an airplane is one of your best decisions ever?) and overuse of perfume.  I think Febreeze should come in travel sizes.  In fact, it should be in every seat pocket, next to the barf bags.

Thank you so very much for stopping your kids from pressing the call button over and over and over and over and over again.  Oh yeah.  You didn’t do that.  The entertainment value of the constant ringing during a flight is only surpassed by watching you doing 25 laps of the plane with your wee ones.  Have you never heard of Gravol?  Google it. 

If you are fortunate enough to have an aisle seat, when folks in your row need to get up, unless they are pixies, you need to get out of your seat.   Swiveling your knees to the side is not enough – do you really want your deodorant-lacking-garlic-infused-barefoot-row-mate crawling over you?  OK.  I thought so.  Thank you, glad we sorted that out.

When airline staff announce that some folks are desperate to make a connection, and ask you to please let them deplane first, LET them.  Its travel karma.  If you don’t, one day that will be you and you’ll be screwed.  Like 8 hours in O’Hare missing your kids school concert screwed.  Your future self will thank you for taking pity on the connection missers. 

Deplaning overall seems to be a tricky concept as it relates to manners.  When the plane arrives at the gate, the first people to stand up don’t get off the plane first.  There is no prize for the first passenger to successfully extract their enormous bag from the overhead bin and place it in the aisle in everyone’s way. 

I am going to review this one carefully, because so many people don’t understand this one – although it’s pretty simple.

When deplaning, we do so ROW by ROW.  You let people gather their stuff, you help them get their bag, you wait your turn.  Let’s just say you are in row 21.  You will only move down the aisle (towards freedom from your fellow passengers), once row 20 has vacated their spots.  Is that clear?  Please get with the program.  I am begging you.

Thank you so much for your attention.  If you follow these simple guidelines, nobody will get hurt.  Let’s all be kinder gentler passengers shall we?  I am tired of giving the hairy eyeball, and I am certain you’re tired of receiving it.

Now you can get back to the Sky Mall.  I know I want to order some of those slippers with the flashing lights on the toes to light the way in the dark.  Or a life size blow up palm tree.  Or a Star Wars toaster.  I need one of those.

Please, have an awesome day.  Thank you.

Twenty minutes outside of Verona, in the small village of San Bonifacio you’ll find I Tigli.  Except, when you walk in, you’d swear you were in Milan, or New York……its ultra-sleek and cool – sort of Noma-esque – or rather how I imagine Noma to be – ‘cause sadly I have not been to Noma.  I know, poor me.

Pristine I Tigli

Simone Padoan presides over the fanciest pizzeria I have ever been to, and is revered as a master of his craft.  A genius.

He must be.

He has figured out how to charge 30 euros for a pizza AND have a place that is packed every night of the week.

To start we had a modest Magherita pizza.  Tomato and fior di latte.  It was just fine.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  Decent, but not awesome. 

Then we had a pizza, that, well….did not look like a pizza at all.  It was more of an open faced sandwich. 

The foccaccia base – whole grain, light and chewy, was delicious.  I Tigli bakes the foccaccia with only a scant amount of mozzarella, cut it fresh from the oven into eight pieces, and artfully plate and construct each slice into a work of art.

We were permitted to order one pizza with two sets of toppings – so this pizza had smoked buffalo mozzarella, fior di latte and ribbons of shaved raw asparagus.  The other slices were graced with Ligurian pesto, Taggia olives, fior di latte (of course) and Pecorino Romano shavings.

I Tigli Asparagus ‘pizza’

The table next to us was not impressed.   Two fellas from Naples were dying over the prices, and chortling at the thought Simone could make pizza better than their hometown.

“Is that what he calls pizza?  That’s not pizza!” they defiantly declared.

Much discussion ensued between Enrico and the Simone Padoan naysayers.  I smiled, nodded and ate.  They debated ingredients and oven types, the merits of thick vs. thin crust – voices were raised and hands were waved in order to make more firm their points of view.  You’d think they were discussing world politics or hockey – the likes I have never witnessed while noshing at Pizzeria Libretto here in Toronto.

I can only assume the boys from Naples were either not keen on the idea of raw fish on their pizzas or were on a tight budget, as they both conservatively ordered simple pizzas with tomato, culatello and fior di latte.  Maybe it was a matter of principle for them – tradition or bust.

“My daughter lives on pizza.”  Mr. Naples confided to me in Italian.

 “She loves frozen pizza.”  Pause to inhale a bite.  “She would love this.”

Ouch.  That’s rough.

Mr. Naples found out I was from Canada.   

Still in Italian…..this time with gestures of praying, and holding his heart: “Please.  This is not real pizza.”

Referring to the asparagus ribbons…

“THAT is not real pizza.  Go to Naples and go to Michele in the Tribunale area.  Order any pizza.  Any one.  It’s where Julia Roberts ate pizza in that movie about eating and yoga!”

(I wonder – was that was meant to cement credibility?)

San Daniele and Buratta, very un-Naples style

Our third pizza – also foccaccia was crafted with these heavenly toppings:

Slices of beef tenderloin, fior di latte, lemon zest and arugula salad all topped with guanciale.

And my most favourite – fresh burrata with 18 month old ethereal San Daniele Ham and extra virgin olive oil. 

Delicious.

But pizza?  I don’t think so.  Maybe Mr. Naples had a point.  Best open faced sandwich of my life.

A little gelato after pizza never hurt anybody

Here’s where I land on pizza politics:  Raw dough and toppings bonding together over 90 seconds at 800 degrees make a real pizza.  I believe you have to cut it yourself, and that slices should not be constructed.  I subscribe to a slightly charred crust, simple toppings and a small yet napkin requiring amount of sauce/olive oil/grease rolling down your chin.  And surely, it should not cost 30 euros.  But then should a sandwich?  Who am I to say?  After all, I Tigli is a mecca of ‘pizza’  -  an institution where my dear friend Enrico thankfully picked up the tab.

I must go to Michele and see what Mr. Naples and Julia Roberts were so excited about.  Eating pizza in Naples – it’s on my culinary bucket list.  For. Sure.I Tigli – If you want to stretch your ideology on pizza, go check it out – 20 minutes outside of Verona on the way to Venice.  http://www.pizzeriaitigli.it/ 

Araldo Arte Del Gusto – 15 minutes outside of Verona – they make incredible focaccia style pizza AND traditional Naples-style pizza.  It’s in the middle of nowhere – but really outstanding.  http://www.araldoartedelgusto.it/ 

Buratta and tomato pizza at Araldo Arte del Gusto

Pizzeria Du de Cope – in the old city centre of Verona , order anything with Lardo.  You simply must.  http://www.pizzeriadudecope.it/

L’Antica Pizzeria da Michele – in case you want to follow Mr. Naple’s advice.  http://damichele.net/index.php?section=home

And finally…..

Pizzeria Libretto – back home in Toronto.  Love.  Love.  Love.  I am certain even Mr. Naples would be completely impressed.  http://pizzerialibretto.com/

Araldo Arte del Gusto ‘real’ pizza

I called Alinea to advise we would be late.  They were polite, but clearly unimpressed.

“We have until 7:20 to get there – or else a large gaping whole opens in the earth and swallows us and our paid reservation with it.”  Blair texted our friends being held hostage at the office.

This could turn out to be the most expensive dinner I never ate.

Alinea.

Number 7 Best Restaurant in the World.  Touted my many to be the best meal of their life.  That’s a pretty bold statement.

Getting ‘tickets’ to a meal here must be strategized.  I had been trying to get in for over a year.  This time, my plan was to catch a last minute table release on Facebook.   I checked every 5 minutes looking for an opening.  I even had the draft email in my outbox all ready to go – credit card deets and everything – all I had to do was press send as soon as they declared a table available.

I had resigned myself to yet another Alinea-less evening, when late in the afternoon an opening appeared on FB.  As I hit send on the email my heart sank with nervous anticipation.  I was not kept in gastronomic limbo too long….in a few moments there as response.  I had our table for 4 for 7:00pm.  They had swiftly charged my credit card for each of us, plus tax and gratuity.  The sommelier would ‘meet‘ with us upon arrival to discuss our beverage choices.

Ever want something so bad and then when you get it you’re not sure if you want it?  Yep – that was me.  Would it be as mind blowing as everyone says it is?  Would it be contrived, and full of staff that take themselves way too seriously?  Would it be the best meal….ever?

Alinea was finally within our grasp, we could not be foiled by traffic.  Thankfully we were in the hands of Amir – super cabbie, who pulled some tricks the Chicago police force would either be totally impressed with or arrest him for.  Miraculously, we pulled up at the front door at precisely 7:00pm, made it past the bouncer and through the dimly lit, haunted house reminiscent fresh flower and marshmallow filled entryway to the restaurant.  Yes.  Fresh flower and marshmallow filled entryway.  What else were you expecting?

Osestra caviar bite

After having a look into the immaculate and near silent kitchen – a brigade of over 20 chefs and cooks, and one incredibly vigorous floor sweeper – we were led to our table – munching on our passion fruit and coriander marshmallows.  We met with the sommelier, and decided to go for the wine pairings – what the hell – our meal was practically a mortgage payment – you couldn’t drink Chicago tap with that.  We were ready to indulge.  Bring it on!

Crispy shrimp head

14 outstanding courses…..went something like this….

We were:

Delighted with a Osestra caviar spoon with geleed clarified butter.

Surprised by outstandingly delicious crispy shrimp heads filled with Japanese Togarashi aioli.

Left wanting more raw Hawaiian Opaka Paka in white soy with fresh ginger.

Veal cheek with spring bounty

Educated on how to poach our Onago snapper, and ‘grill’ our own scallop on molten river rocks.

Teased with the tiniest single bite of hot and cold potato with black truffle.

Black truffle explosion

Reduced to licking our plates clean of artichoke, eggplant and octopus course.

Challenged to follow the rules when presented with duck 5 ways with 60 un-named condiments – we were only supposed to match one condiment to each type of duck – but the whole thing turned into a cross between culinary tetrus and gastronomic trivial pursuit.

60 mystery condiments

Entertained by green apple helium balloons, and what they can do to your voice and your hair (and I was reminded why it’s always best to be behind the camera).

Green apple candy helium baloon

Returned to our childhood playing with food with dark chocolate bomb and chestnut ‘ice cream’ that was ‘plated’ directly onto the table.

Playing with our food

I know I am missing a few courses.  But you get the idea.  It was enchanting.

It was magical.

It was probably the most expensive dinner I actually ate, but worth every penny.

But…..

It was not one of my favorite meals of all time.  Of course it was amazing – its Alinea after all.  But as someone at our table sagely said – “It’s food for your brain – not for your heart.”

Lobsters in Maine.  A bowl of linguini with clams in Verona.  Pizza from our woodburning oven under the stars at the cottage.  Bacon butty at Borough Market in London.  A really fresh fried egg on toast.

Simple food.  Delicious food.  Rustic food.  These are the kinds of meals that are my favourites – these are foods I crave.

Alinea is not that.  Nor, I think is it trying to be.  Alinea is trying to stretch the imagination.  I mean really – how do they dream up candy helium balloons complete with flavoured helium?  They want to challenge you.  Make you think, appreciate, debate.  And that’s a super cool thing if you can snag a table, have room on your credit card, and can make it to the restaurant on time without the earth opening up and swallowing you and your reservation.

On the way out – we grabbed as many passion fruit and coriander marshmallows as we could.  They don’t travel well in a purse – for future reference.

https://www.alinearestaurant.com

I eagerly await the tulips to poke their heads from the frozen ground, the boots to be put away, the bikes to get dusted off, and the cottage to be opened up.  And….to find some maple taffy to satisfy my spring induced craving.

Seriously winter, GTFO. 

Spring did tease us with a few maple inducing days last week, before a Friday filled with flurries. Warm snow busting sunshine, and cool crisp nights below freezing get all that sap running up and down the trunks.  Sugary water is pain-stakingly collected and at least 50% of the water is removed – ideally through old school wood fired evaporator pans.  The syrup is “finished” – boiled even further until it reaches a brix – or sugar content of 66.5%.  Its quite the process, and takes patience and love to craft maple syrup.  One tree will give approximately 40 litres of sap to produce 1 litre of syrup.  I am trying to calculate how many trees my family would need to satisfy our maple syrup consumption.  I did the math; it would roughly be…a lot.

Sure sign of spring

My favourite maple treat of all is tire (teer) – or taffy.  Basically, its syrup further reduced 50% to sticky, intensely maple goodness.  Growing up in Montreal, I knew spring was in the air when we would head up north to go ‘sugaring off’.  (The Anglo translation for Cabane a Sucre) This is not a term you hear in Ontario – but it’s practically religion in Quebec, and my immigrant parents embraced this piece of Quebecois culture with vigour.  On a sunny weekend day each spring, we walked around the bush, inspected a few tin buckets, and gorged on stacks of pancakes, baked beans, and bacon all nestled in a lake of maple syrup….but then the best part….

Sugaring off. Good times, even if you have to wear a penguin toque.

Kids, popsicle sticks in hand, would head outside to a trough (literally) filled with snow, and try to elbow all the other kids out of the way, wrestling some to the ground if need be.  You had to be front and centre when Joe Louis came out of the sugar shack with a pail of piping hot taffy.  Sticks at the ready –the golden goodness was poured onto the snow, and you’d follow, twirling your stick, collecting quickly hardening taffy and bits of snow into the best. lollipop. ever.

It was a full contact sport.  I always ended up with some in my hair, some on my Miracle Mart snow suit and Cougar boots……definately all over my hands.  I would gobble it down waiting for the mad sugar rush to hit, and then prayed my parents were having one more drink at the bar (incredibly likely), one more fiddle dance in the hall, so I could line up with the kids and do it all over again.

Post-tire haze on my dad’s Oldsmobile

Last year, I decided to introduce my taffy deprived Ontario offspring to tire, and set about making some myself for a party.  It was without doubt the biggest lunch box let down of all time.  The moment my so called piping hot tire hit the snow – the snow melted (shocking, I know) creating a massive pool of super sticky maple water-slush.  Every kid at the party scooped it up and crazy-glue-like-stickiness ensued.  I had followed the recipe to a tee – using my candy thermometer and everything.  It was a complete disaster.

Next generation taffy lover

I am married to a true Canadian whose family has been in Ontario since the early 1800’s.  Foresters by trade, each spring, locals set up in their woods to tap trees for maple syrup.  It was always a celebration – a party – no tire (for shame), but a good time nonetheless.

Needless to say, in over 20 years of marriage, I have come to adopt the Copeland tire-less ways with maple syrup.  Here are a few of their favourite recipes. They are all tried and true – yielding much better results than my sticky tire disaster.  I promise.

Maple Mousse

This is only served on special occasions, like Christmas and Easter.  Apparently it appeared in the Globe and Mail in the early 1950’s, as part of a story on the food served at Ottawa’s Canada House. 

9 oz maple syrup

4 egg yolks

1/4 cup cold water

1 envelope gelatine

3 egg whites, beaten to stiff peaks

250ml whipping cream, whipped

Simmer syrup until almost boiling.

Mix egg yolks with 2 tbsp. water

Add syrup to egg, whisking constantly, until well mixed.

Dissolve gelatine in remaining water and add to egg mixture, stirring well.

Return to heat, to thicken.

Cool quickly in ice bath.

Fold in cream, then egg whites.

Pour into serving bowl and chill.

To serve, spoon into dishes and top with mixed salted nuts.  (The salted nuts simply make this divine)

Laura Secord’s Traditional Pancakes

This recipe is direct from The Laura Secord Canadian Cookbook.  This book was originally published in 1966, and then was out of print for many years.  Everyone in my husband’s family photocopied “the best bits” from the original cookbook to take with them as they started their own families.  This is the only pancake recipe the Copelands will use – the only acceptable variation is to add wild blueberries when in season.

Preheat griddle or heavy fry pan. 

Sift, or blend together

1 ½ cups all-purpose flour

3 teaspoons baking powder

½ teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon granulated sugar

Beat together with a rotary beater

1 egg

1 ¾ cups milk

2 tablespoons melted shortening or vegetable oil

Stir in dry ingredients, beating until almost smooth.

Pour batter onto preheated griddle, using about ¼ cup batter for each pancake.  Turn when bubbles break on surface.

Serve hot with butter and maple syrup.

Makes 12-14 pancakes.

Maple Sundae  (I realize this is not really a recipe, but run with it)

When Cam was a kid, he would sometimes be allowed to go with his dad to their log cabin in the woods for a boy’s weekend.  The menu was always the same; an enormous T-bone steak cooked in the frying pan, with a tin of Le Sur French peas.  For dessert:  a cereal bowl of maple syrup, with a piece of white bread flopped on top to soak it up.  The sundae below is a distant relative of this tradition, and is a staple in our house.  I guess I just can’t wrap my mind around a bowl of syrup with a slice of Wonder bread in it….do you blame me?

Two scoops vanilla ice cream; generously pour over maple syrup, and top with roasted salted peanuts.

Maple Leaf Cocktail

This is only served at Christmas, and during the Elmvale Maple Syrup Festival, and is always poured from an antique nickel pitcher, into tiny glasses with crushed ice.  Be sure to make this one week ahead to allow all the flavours to develop.

3 cups Canadian Rye Whisky

2 cups Maple Syrup

1 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice

Mix together well.  Keep in fridge, stirring daily.  Serve two ounces over crushed ice.  Repeat as many times as necessary.

Mom and Dad Cabane a Sucre March 1975

You know the Michelin man?  OK….well….convention has it that he’s made of tires.  Sadly mistaken folks.  I think those are wheels of cheese he’s made of.  I should know.  It’s exactly what I look like after an 8 day cheese marathon in the French Alps.  If you don’t like melted cheese – don’t even go to this region in France.  Actually, if you don’t like melted cheese I suggest you go to the closest hospital – there’s something very, very wrong with you.

Wheels of cheese, people

According to my intensive research, there are three key ingredients to the cuisine of the Haute-Savoie region of France – that magical place nestled in among the borders of Switzerland and Italy.

• ·         Melted Cheese
• ·         Potatoes
• ·         Assorted cured pork: ham, lardons….

Genius – huh?  I mean really, cheese AND skiing, what’s not to like?

One afternoon at the top of Flegere, we were chased inside by insane fog, but found solace in fondue at 6,500ft.  What could be better than a bubbly pot of melted cheese, fresh baguette, an ice cold beer and looking out over where the mountains supposebly were after a morning of skiingpre-cheese eating preparation?  I’ll tell you.  Nothing.

Avoiding fog, seeking melted cheese

After another full day on the slopes, we indulged in Raclette at La Caleche in the heart of the village of Chamonix – half a wheel of cheese, rolled to our table side, and a nifty gadget to broil it until bubbly before quickly scraping onto potatoes and assorted pork products.  Throw in some cornichons and voila! – melty cheese perfection.

We discovered tartiflette – and I fell hard in love with it, ordering wherever we went.  The Savoie trinity of potatoes, lardons and Reblochon cheese baked into unctuous harmony.  They even throw the rind in and it gets brown and crispy and is completely un-sharable.  Tartiflette was my downfall; I think I ate it every day, including a version with porcini mushrooms at the restaurant on the top of the Brevant gondola.  Yup this is the kind of food you get at the restaurants on the mountain – deeee-lish.

Looking for tartiflette

It was a magical week – a veritable skiing/cheese eating extravaganza.  Our friend Didi joined us for a few days.  She’s a Canadian transplant who lives an hour away in La Plagne with her mountain guide husband.  There’s nothing she has not done – heli skiing, parapenting, you name it – she’s done it.  She tried to convince me that I could ski the Vallee Blanche with Cam and Read.  It was less the off-piste 25km descent that I was worried about and more the arête you must climb down to get to the starting point – check out this video – I am the one just behind the videographer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FFVs1m216g

I am not there!!!!!

Have you met me?????  Have you seen that thing????

There is no !@#$ way I would EVER climb down that – no matter how good the tartiflette is at the restaurant on the glacier half way down.  Didi told me I should think about descending the arête like walking down a corridor.  “How many times have you fallen walking down a corridor?”  Didi asked.  (She wouldn’t want to know.  Really.  She wouldn’t.)  What I wanted to know was how many corridors are 12,000 ft up in the air and covered with snow and ice?

None.  The answer is none.  Zero, Didi, zero.

So while Cam and Read skied the famous Vallee Blanche (and enjoyed a spectacular melted cheese lunch on the glacier at a spot that helicopters in its staff and fondue supplies each day.  Duh.)  Paisley and I were safe in the village sampling pastries…

Vallee Blanche

Back home in Toronto, separated from warm cheese, I am already scheming about replicating some of the tastes of our adventure.

Here’s what Didi suggests for making fondue at home – it involves no corridors so I think we can trust her on this: 

• Allow for 250 g of cheese per person, 1/3 Beaufort, Comté, Emmenthal.
• Rub a clove of garlic around the inside of the fondue pan.
• Pour 100ml dry white wine per person into the pot, add all the shredded cheese and a clove of minced garlic.
• Heat and stir.  (It starts off quite thickly, then separates, and then becomes homogeneous.)
• Add 1/2 teaspoon of cornstarch diluted in a small glass of kirsch.
• Season with pepper and/or nutmeg to taste.
• After regaling yourselves with the fondue, when the cheese is almost finished, drop an egg into the pan and stir. Finish the meal with a delicious cheesy scrambled egg.

 And now for the tartiflette:

• Chop an onion and fry up with lardons.
• Add enough cubed potatoes to fill a small gratin dish and cook until almost done.
• Pour into gratin dish.
• Take the wheel of Reblochon slice it gently in half.
• Place the two Reblochon halves rind side up in the dish.
• Bake in oven until completely bubbly, cheese is melted and rind is crispy!!

If you ever find yourself on a ski cheese vacation in Chamonix – here are a couple of places definitely worth eating melted cheese at:

La Caleche:  Traditional, cozy, oldy worldy with excellent service and wonderful Savoie specialities.  You must make a reservation; this place is packed every night.   http://www.restaurant-caleche.com/en

Cousin Albert:  This appeared to be a local hang out – not easy to find in such a tourist filled town.  It is small and quaint, and even has non melted cheese options like Steak Tartare made table side, and decent steak frites.   http://www.cousinalbert.fr/

La Bergerie:  At the top of the Brevant gondola – when you get up there in the morning – pop in to reserve your table on the patio at lunch if it’s a bluebird day.  http://www.bergerie-restaurant.com/

L’Adret:  Wonderful fondue, braised beef cheek stew  and amazing desserts – you’ll never think about slope side dining the same way again.  http://www.flegere-restaurant.com/adret/index.php#

La Roulotte:  This wood-burning pizza truck was parked right across the street from our apartment on rue Vallot– and made pretty delicious pizza…..my favourite flavor?  Tartiflette of course!

Poco Loco:  This is the tiniest restaurant I have ever been in…..second floor, narrow beyond belief – I think it used to be a crawl space – but man can they whip up scrumptious sandwiches – almost all, of course, with lots of gooey melted local cheese. 46 Rue du Dr Paccard

Au Petits Gourmands:  No melted cheese here – but divine pastries and chocolates – especially the truffles shaped like mini Mont Blancs! 168 Rue du Dr Paccard

For skiing info – this is a great site: http://www.chamonix.com/welcome,0,en.html  Be sure to visit the Mountain Guide House next to the church in the heart of the village if you are considering tackling that arête and the Vallee Blanche beyond – just be sure your corridor walking skills are up to snuff first.  http://www.chamonix-seminaires.com/  

First, Open Table snubbed me with some kind of error message:  “Are you kidding me?  9 people?  Everyone knows cool people don’t eat out in parties larger than 4!!”

So, I called many (way too many) places.  On a telephone.  Like its 1999.

At first the hosts were super friendly – until I revealed my party size.  The temperature then typically turned ice cold and I was advised that for parties that size you must speak with a……MANAGER.  Long pause.

I think this is supposed to frighten you into hanging up and taking your tribe elsewhere.

“Ooh!  Not the manager!!!!”

I persisted.  (Don’t act surprised.)

If you are able to get a manager to come to the phone (they are very busy with real customers) they let you know that parties “OF THAT SIZE” must go with a group menu.

With limited choices.

And a fixed price.

Payable in advance.

Not cancelable with less than 72 hours notice – and a note from your parents.

And you have to eat at the most undesirable hour – say 5pm.

And they will only hold the table for 15 minutes past your reservation time. (apparently if you’re late they give your table to all the other people wanting to eat at 5pm…)

Accommodating – huh?  Oh, and the legal contract.  Don’t forget that.  Sign in triplicate and have the original notarized.  Seriously.  I was emailed a 3 page contract by one restaurant.  I called back.  I cancelled.  I have limits.  This was dinner, not a wedding.

I got a little desperate to find good places for our modest travelling circus to eat.  Tricky trickster that I am, I asked the hostess at Locanda Verde to book one table of 4 and one of 5 after I was told they do not ever (never. ever.) seat parties larger than 8.

“You can’t to do that!!!” she chastised me.  “That is against our policy!”

Determined to finally make it to this revered restaurant, I booked one table and got my friend to call and book the second.  We pinky swore that we would pretend not to know each other – lest we get caught by the reservation police.  Turned out to be a little awkward when we got to the restaurant for our 8am pre-flight breakfast reservation……and we were the only people in the place!!!

I knew I had found the best places when there was no long tortuous silence after revealing my party size, and when we did not have to eat dinner at 3pm.  In fact – we had some pretty amazing meals at places that I would definitely go back to no matter how many friends I was dining with.

Ssam Bar

Bo Ssam Happiness

You can reserve online for the Bo Ssam or Rotisserie Duck meals.  It’s a simple no-fuss process with zero attitude.  We had the Bo Ssam  – slow cooked pork shoulder that literally melts apart into tender porky goodness.  Its served family style with rice, all the delectable Momofuku sauces and a dozen raw oysters.  You roll all this deliciousness up into lettuce leaves and enjoy.  Perfect for a group to graze, consume a few beverages and relax.  The Bo Ssam is $200.00 – and 10 of us could not crush the entire thing – try as we might.  (OK, we did order a few extras)  The food is outstanding and the service is impeccable – there’s a reason David Chang is considered one of the most influential people in food right now.  http://momofuku.com/new-york/ssam-bar/bo-ssam/

Jean-Georges Nougatine

JG’s picture perfect duck confit

Yep.  Jean-Georges.  Did not bat a perfectly coiffed eyelash at lunch for 8, including a lobster loving 7 year old.  I had heard this was the best lunch deal in town – and I had heard correctly.  $32.00 Prix fixe gets you 3 courses served in a gorgeous sun filled dining room overlooking Central Park.  We feasted on duck confit, tuna tartar, roasted snapper and (woot woot!) lobster burgers.  The crowning glory was dessert.  Pecan pie ice cream sundae was wonderful – but I had to try the warm chocolate cake – Jean Georges is credited with its invention.  Let’s just say there was no crumb left behind.  http://www.jean-georgesrestaurant.com/

You wouldn’t have wanted to see how good it looked

Balthazar

You can always count on Balthazar.  It’s an institution.  Nothing phases them.  Party of 8 – no problem.  Walk-in breakfast for 10 hungry heathens – they split us up into (gasp!) two tables – but we were allowed to talk to each other.  These guys are busy.  Always busy.  As Andrew Knowlton recently wrote in an article about the most influential restaurants of 2013 – on December 22 last year Balthazar served over 1500 hundred people with 180 seats.  The space is gorgeous.  The service is top notch.  And the food rocks – consistently.  Oysters.  Steak Frites.  Sour cream hazelnut waffles.  Eggs benny.  Breakfast, lunch or dinner – this is the place – you can’t go wrong.  Don’t miss it.  http://balthazarny.com/index.php

Pain du Balthazar

Tertulia

Tertulia takes reservations for parties 6 or more for their $55.00 Chefs Menu.  (can I tell you how smug our large party was traipsing past the groups of 2 or 3 waiting longingly for a table??) The night we were there we were supremely spoiled with 8 plus courses – most prepared in the wood burning oven – marinated anchovies, pan con tomate, brandada de bacalao, crispy patatas, roasted brussel sprouts with pork belly, a wonderful winter paella with roast chicken and root vegetables….I am sure I am forgetting something….all topped off with salted chocolate tart and Torrija Caramelizada – the most incredible “burnt sugar” toast direct from the wood oven served with hazelnut ice cream.  We did not feel punished or snubbed – we felt like Spanish royalty!  http://tertulianyc.com/

Best burnt toast ever

Mission accomplished.  Our tribe ate well.  Take that reservation police.

Check out Andrew Knowlton’s article here.  How many of the most important restaurants in America have you been to?  I have only been to 6 – I’ve got some work to do!

Popcorn is the trend that won’t die.  In fact popcorn so won’t go away that is like some sort of anti-trend.  I just made that up – anti-trend.  It’s like sundried tomatoes twenty years ago – enough already!

Seriously.  How many popcorn companies can there be? 

Answer:  Apparently a lot.  (I did not taste a single one – I snubbed the whole category.)

It seems to me that a lot of what’s going on in the restaurant world is taking while to translate into retail products.  Take for example the ramen extravaganza that is going on in cities across the continent at the moment.  A couple of years ago people weren’t debating where the best bowl was, which dashi is better and whether or not shoulder or belly is the pork of choice.  Think I could find a single ramen related product at the show?  Nope.  Not even ramen flavoured popcorn.

While food trucks, tapas restaurants and gourmet tacos are everywhere – none of these trends made a mark at the show.  And don’t get me started on donuts -out in restaurant land donuts are battling it out trying their best to knock cupcakes off their cute little pedestals, but at the fancy food show – two products!  The brownie chip was everywhere – wouldn’t thank you for one – but donuts – a no show! Why is this?  Why the gap?

If you figure it out, let me know.  In the meantime here are my five favourites…

Grace and I Fruit Presses

Most beautiful dried fruit ever.   And spectacularly delicious.  Perfect for an exquisite cheese platter.  Everyone is doing fruit for cheese – but nobody is doing it like this – except maybe Martha Stewart – I bet this is how she does fruit with cheese at her house. http://graceandi.com/Product.aspx?CategoryId=5

City Bakery Hot Chocolate

I am a huge City Bakery fan.  Have been since I bought my first lunch box tin full of homemade marshmallows at their original location in NYC back in the early 90’s.  These guys know their stuff – and are the inventors of the illustrious croissant pretzel.  They are probably most famous for their impeccable hot chocolate – some of the best you’ll ever have.  (February is hot chocolate festival month – with a new flavor every day)  But NOW…..you can get their hot chocolate in a cute little tetra pac – milk or dark….so you can have this treat at a moment’s notice.  I need some of this hot chocolate. Right. Now.  http://www.thecitybakery.com/

Happy Goat Handmade Goat Milk Caramels

Caramel was a big trend.  Loads of different producers.  In the name of research (my job is tough) I tried them all.  The verdict – happy goats make the best caramel.  Presumably, grumpy goats make terrible caramel, and don’t even get me started on sullen cows.  But the Goat Milk Vanilla Bean Caramels and Scotch Caramel Sauce made me very, very happy.  http://www.happygoatcaramel.com/home.html

Brad’s Raw Foods

Kale is Kool.  I tell my kids this all the time.  They cannot comprehend, but I persist.  I love kale, and kale loves me.  It’s so good for you, so versatile and so damn tasty.  Brad has seen the light, abandoned the fatty-diet life and chose the path of raw enlightenment.  He makes a very fine kale chip – several in fact – and even has a retreat for juicing, cleansing and yoga.  I may not be retreat material but an ice cold beer and some Brad’s Raw Kale Chips – that my friend – is a well-balanced good time.  He also makes vegan, gluten-free, raw kale dog biscuits in case your dog is into that.  My dog is into eating whatever he finds on the ground in the park.  To each his own.  http://www.bradsrawchips.com/

See – I told you

Boat Street Pickles

I love the jar.  I love the label.  I adore what’s inside.  They are called pickles – but to me they are more like savoury jams:  Apricots with toasted curry.  Raisins with cider vinegar and thyme.  French Plums with coriander and orange peel.  Black mission figs with balsamic vinegar and rosemary.  Each one more delicious than the next.  Pickle curator Renee has been making these gems for her Seattle Boat Street Café since 1998, and launched her retail products a couple of years ago.  I stocked up at Bi-Rite Market – I plan on making a little chicken liver pate this weekend and serving it warm brioche and Boat Street Pickled Raisins!  http://boatstreetpickles.com/

Love these pickles

The summer fancy food show returns to New York this summer after a two year stint in Washington – click here for more info.  But steer clear of the popcorn – in the words of Sweet Brown – “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”

Most 15 year old boys just grunt.  Mine cooks dinner.  I feel it must be a reflection of my excellent skills as a mother. (Bwahahahaha!!!)

Read’s not really interested in cooking.  He’s much more into eating.  I’ve tried.  He will stir and chop if pressured, but that’s all.  He’s more than happy to have others cook for him, and he’s lucky to have a little sister who is a prolific baker.  He can feed himself, and he knows how to order delivery pizza.  To date, his culinary repertoire includes KD, toast, scrambled or fried eggs, and grilled cheese sandwiches. And nobody can pour a lake of cereal like this guy.  (I swear he can eat a whole box in one sitting.  Well minus like 20 Cheerios that get put back in the cupboard, waiting for the next time he wants cereal when he calls out “Mom!!!  We are out of cereal!!!!”)

Tonight, however, motivated by hunger, a need to fuel up before hockey,  and a set of parents working late, he set about re-creating his favorite sandwich of all time.

Last year over March break we went on a little road trip to Montreal.  Two moms, four kids, a trusty minivan and nothing but a few hundred kilometers on the 401 between us and really good poutine. 

Read, was, um, less than excited about this adventure.  But there’s really nothing like a good old fashioned road trip, complete with a theme song, good friends and no real agenda.  The whole thing ended up being much more fun than any of us anticipated.  Any of us.  I know the whole group was completely enthralled visiting all my favourite places in my hometown. EN.Thralled.

We visited the honourable Orange Julep, good old Schwartz, the decadent Pied du Cochon, the trying-to-be-like-Paris-and-doing-a-decent-job-of-it-Entrecote St Jean, the un-matchable Villa Du Souvlaki (Best. Souvlaki. Ever), Bilboquetfor their seasonal Tire

Mr Beauty himself

a L’Erable ice cream, the venerable Beauty’s…..but Read and Ross’s all-time fav hands down was Wilensky’s Light Lunch.

Wilenksy’s is known for their salami sandwiches, they’ve been making them the same way for over 80 years, since 1932.  No wonder they are good at making them.  That’s a lot of practice.   But there are rules:

“When ordering a special,

You should know a thing or two.

They are always served with mustard,

They are never cut in two.

Don’t ask us why, just understand that this is nothing new.

This is the way that it’s been done since 1932.”

So there.

One of the world’s greatest sandwiches.  Seriously.  Cooked (not dry cured) beef salami and bologna, a slice of Kraft ‘cheese’ or Swiss if you choose, a little yellow mustard. All pressed together on some sort of proprietary hamburger/English muffin hybrid bun until the bun is crispy, the meat is warm, the cheese is melty – and its ready to be devoured.  No plates, just wrapped in a paper napkin.  Mordecai Richler was a Wilensky regular – this was his choice of fuel – we are talking brain food people.

You sit at one of the 8 stools that swivel, like stools should – and watch Ruth and her peeps make your sandwich.  The place is a total classic – not an inch has changed since first opening as a cigar store in May 1932.  The old school cash register, the books on the shelves – its part museum really.

Happy Wilensky-ers

I asked Ruth a few questions about the recipe  for the Wilensky Special but the woman is a vault – I got nothing.  Nada.

Potentially even better than the sandwiches are the homemade sodas.  They are well known for their cherry cola, but also have cream soda, lemon-lime, cola, orange…..made with a little syrup and a spray of carbonated water.  These elixirs are magic.  They make them this way because it’s how they’ve always made them – not because the hipstersrecently decided this is how sodas should be made.  I don’t think Ruth would even let a hipster into her sandwich palace.

Ruth Wilensky tells it as it is

The boys each had three sandwiches that day – and it was only an afternoon snack.  Ever since, Read will sometimes stop and say…”Remember those fried salami sandwiches in Montreal?  Man those were good…..”  We all sigh and reflect on the yumminess and move on.

Tonight, Read was rustling around the fridge, scrounging for nourishment – poor guy is always hungry – when he found a chub of cooked Chicago 58 salami I had been given earlier in the week by a client.

And thus…..the Read-Wilensky Sandwich was born:

• ·         English muffin – buttered on the outside.
• ·         Slices of cooked salami (The Chicago 58 stuff was perfect)
• ·         Slice of Cheddar (alas no Kraft slices chez nous….)
• ·         Fried and pressed just like a grilled cheese sandwich until crispy, melty and perfect.

He did not cut them in half as per the rules, but the mustard was on the side – Ruth would not approve. (They used to charge you 10 cents to NOT have mustard…..)

The Original Wilensky

The Read-Wilensky

A little piece of Montreal, right here in our kitchen in TO, crafted by my most awesome teenage son.

Happiness.  And the Eagles won their game.  And Read scored a goal.  See, Mordecai Richler was onto something.

PS – if you don’t think a fried salami sandwich could be this good – check out Aziz Ansari, David Chang, Fred Morin and Dave McMillan’s visit to Wilensky’s here .  

I resolve in 2013 to eat at the 10 tastiest spots in Scarborough – or at least the 10 tastiest according to Chris Nuttall-Smith.

In June last year, I read an article Chris wrote for the Globe and Mail about Scarborough’s “unambiguously exceptional” restaurants.  I was at the cottage at the time, a long way away from the  Middle Eastern Shawarma joints , Tamil mutton curry purveyors and Hakka tiger prawn take-outs he described.  Chip trucks I had a plenty – but anything with coriander, saffron or fish balls – not a hope.  The most exotic food within a 25km radius of our cabin was the featured muffin at the new Tim Horton’s in town.  I salivated at the thought of CNS on a veritable food quest around Toronto’s multi-cultural suburbia.  The article embodied what I love about this great city of ours – every nation, and every cuisine available right here at home for those yearning for adventure.  What could be better?

I had driven through the neighborhoods described so many times – passing hundreds of restaurants – and wondering which ones contained the real deal.  Here it all was for me – on a silver platter – the key to unlocking the secret of Sri Lankan take away and Kuala Lumpur noodles.  I (gasp!) printed the article and mapquested and printed all the locations.  I highlighted my clients within a 20km radius of any of the restaurants.  I kept the tattered list on my desk – it taunted me every time I came across it.  I had good intentions of visiting these spots, but never sealed the deal…..until today….I do afterall have a resolution to uphold.

Today I unexpectedly found myself in the wilds of Scarborough and it was lunch time.

First stop was Patisserie Royale – merely a stone’s throw from one of my favourite spots – ARZ bakery.  Patisserie Royal is nothing like the grand ARZ – it is small with a vast assortment of Middle Eastern goodies.  In my opinion, Middle Eastern baklava trumps the Greek version without a doubt.  Crisp, tender phyllo and feshly ground pistachios – sweet but not overly so – they are the perfect bite.  I stocked up on a box and headed two plazas over to Shawarma Empire.

Patisserie Royale’s Baklava

I could barely squeeze in the place was so jammed.  A guy in line must have seen the look of distress on my face.  “Ever been here?”  I shook my head.  “Don’t even think about getting out of line.  They move fast and it’s the best sandwich of your life.”  Another lady a few ahead chimed in “And don’t over-think it, don’t be all like hold the pickles – just ask for everything – and hot sauce – its homemade.”  You order the shawarmas in pairs – and I did as I was told – asked for everything – lettuce, parsley, onions, cucumbers, pickles, pickled turnip, tomatoes, tahini and garlic sauce all nestled into a warmed little soft pita.  These sandwiches are made with care – they slice off a little of the pita, open it into a pocket, then put homemade hot sauce and chicken (even some crispy skin bits) in the bottom – add all the fixin’s, more chicken, more hot sauce, and amazingness ensues.  Best $5.99I have spent in a while.

Don’t over-think it, order it with everything!

A couple of doors down (and not on CNS’s list) was Samara’s roasted nuts.  Ever had Iranian Lemon Salted Pistachios?  They are nothing like the red pistachios my mom used buy from Steinburg’s when I was a kid – when she was having a really fancy do – you know – fancy enough to break out the cream cheese/paprika topped celery sticks, devilled eggs and red pistachios.  No.  These are pure delight – try them.  Resolve to.

Samara’s Roasted Lemon Pistachio’s

And so, the year is only 2.7% over and I have already completed 20% of my new year’s resolution.  It’s all about setting meaningful, achievable goals.  Let me know if you want to join me for any of the other 8 spots – the more the merrier.

Have a happy new year – I think it’s going to be a delicious one.

Shawarma Empire –1823 Lawrence Ave East

Samara Roasted Nuts –  1823 Lawrence Ave East

Patisserie Royale – 1801 Lawrence Ave East

Chris Nuttall-Smith’s article -  http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/food-and-wine/restaurant-reviews/eating-through-torontos-east-end-the-10-tastiest-spots-in-scarborough/article4365223/?page=all

Trolling the internet, I came across BIG GAY ICE CREAM.

Big Gay started out as a food truck in 2009, and opened their East Village shop in 2011.  In 2012 they opened a second shop and have signed a book deal with Clarkson Potter.  I had to go.  How can you not want to go to a place called BIG GAY ICE CREAM?  Their logo is a rainbow ice cream cone, with overtones of unicorns.  Rainbows, unicorns and SOFT SERVE ICE CREAM?????  Soft serve ice cream is practically one of the seven wonders of the world.  Well….in my opinion anyway.

It was really hard to find someone in our group to go with me – NOT.  After we crushed the Bo Ssam Pork Shoulder meal at Momofuku’s Ssam Bar, we waddled walked the few blocks to BIG GAY ICE CREAM.  I was almost hungry when we got there.  (It’s a good plan to go to New York after the holidays – Christmas is kind of like training camp for 4 days of eating your way across NYC).

As we turned onto East 7^th Street, there was a crowd on the sidewalk – all hovering around Luke’s Lobster.  This closet sized restaurant serves fresh Maine lobster rolls, Maine microbrews and even lobster grilled cheese.  It was hard to walk on by, but we had to stay focused.  Big. Gay. Ice. Cream.

The next temptation was Butter Lane cupcakes.  Keep walking, ignore the adorable sign and the twinkling buttercream frosting in a palette of pastels.  Big. Gay. Ice. Cream.  Stay on task.

Finally we arrived.  The place was so jammed we had to wait outside on the sidewalk.  Maybe lots of New Yorkers had the same new year’s resolution – “In 2013 I am gonna do my best to eat more Big Gay Ice Cream.  Preferably late at night, right before I go to bed.”

Rainbows and Unicorns

Once inside, it was cosy and warm – all sunshine, rainbows, unicorns and very, very happy folks making incredible soft serve creations.  I think the super friendly guy who served us also has a part time job doing voice-overs – I am sure he narrated this lovely video about the honey badger.  He was kind of bad-ass, but in an awesome way.

I opted for the Salty Pimp – vanilla soft serve, dulce de leche, sea salt all dipped in chocolate! Hello Pimp-meister!  Check out the fancy cone holder that catches the drips – these guys are genius!

That’s Mr Salty Pimp to you

We tried the Bea Arthur – with crushed nilla wafers (was Bea Arthur a nilla wafer fan?) and the Mermaid with vanilla soft serve, lime curd, graham crumbs and whipped cream (lime curd and soft serve – what took someone so long to come up with that?)

But the biggest, gayest of them all was the Monday Sundae – Nutella lined waffle cone (stroke of pure genius) chocolate/vanilla twist soft serve, dulce de leche, sea salt and whipped cream.  Sorry, I think I just drooled on my keyboard.

Big Gay Ice Cream….check it out…now also open in the West Village, and their truck is on the road during ice cream season.  I know that I am going to resolve to eat more Big Gay Ice Cream in 2013…..isn’t it the year of the soft serve?

http://biggayicecream.com/about/